Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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