So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
