I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
