I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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