Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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