he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
