he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Fuck appropriateness.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
