You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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