i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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