He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
