two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
