I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize