i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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