you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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