shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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