Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
