She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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