Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
