If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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