His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
