After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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