im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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