My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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