she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
