I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
