This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
