all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
