Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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