I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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