His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
