shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
