Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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