I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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