Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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