WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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