Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
