i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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