I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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