I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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