Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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