i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
wow bdsm is so cute
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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