thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
