I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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