we made out on top of his cat.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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