Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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