No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
