Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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