the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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