hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
