does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
