Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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