I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need a beard to bite.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
