I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
