just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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