just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize