This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Rumble strips road head = magical
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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