my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
