I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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