well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
