I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
