arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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