im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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