dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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