My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
