Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
