To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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