oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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