I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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