I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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