we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I love you. Go after that dick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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