You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
