god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
