oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently you make a good broom.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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