please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
