i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
