I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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