I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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