a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
