The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
