I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
