Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Bring me that man meat
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
